Dear Uncle Toni

Dear Uncle Toni,
Hola! Hope you are doing well, under the circumstances. You and Rafa are probably at a threshold now and entire world is watching your next move. I understand your intrepidation.
I want to begin with 2 things- I am aware that this might never reach you. You may never see this or read it, after all, I am just an author and a former pro who is unbeknownst to you. I also wanted to let you know that I dont belong to the Federer "faction" or the Rafa "cult". I am just a fan of tennis. So, my only attributes are a decent knowledge of the game and am unbiased( was ranked 132 in wta)
I read Rafa's autobiography and was mesmerized by it. There are not many parellels between me and Rafa, but for one thing. I could completely understand the dogged perseverance one goes through to attain to be the best in world. I came from a family where excuse was not an option and you learnt to fight through all odds. The pages where Rafa completed a match despite a bleeding finger or a bruised toe are all something that very few will be able to claim. And you are the pillar, that rock who gave him that from early on. TO NEVER GIVE UP.....Nobody else has been there with him or understands his every blink on the tennis court like you do.

Which is why we come to the next line. Your beloved protege is hurting. People are saying "He is done, he should quit". But deep down you know, he will not go out like this. He is full of self doubt and his confidence is on all time low. Purely in my opinion, it is nothing mental. He needs to be able to win some free points. His game style has been such that he used to wear opponents down every point. But Rafa is now getting older and the body has taken much beating. Rafa will need to either develop a bigger serve- get more oomph on the first serve and more angle on the 2nd serve, chip and charge on 2nd serve return and win more points at the net or take the ball earlier and be closer to the baseline( which maybe a much complicated addition to his arsenal).
In my life, there are instances where a particular course of action becomes so inevitable that I am forced to follow that instinct. I suspect you are in this mode now.

I, for one, completely comprehend the magnitude of your relationship with Rafa. You only wish the best for him, but this time that also means to " Let HIM GO". Rafa's game needs a fresh mind thats excited and can bring a new weapon to his game. Another coach could be just an addition or he could be the main driver. I would pick somebody like a Darren Cahill or Paul Annacone who has been there and done that and one that can bring in a new calm perspective to your team, but I am sure there are others you can think of.
As in any sport, you know there are no guarantees, but at least, if and when you make this change, you will be at peace knowing you gave it all you got! Rafa maybe stubborn about keeping it in the family, but you have to see this through. For Rafa's sake, this has to happen!!!

Indian state of affairs on Hindustan Times Oct 30th,2014

From traveling as a junior to International tournaments to playing pro tennis, I have often been envious. Envious of other smaller countries like Thailand, Indonesia, Japan and many other Asian countries who had a system in place for players like me, who could travel as a team to play tournaments all over the world, whose teams had sponsorship, who had a coach travel with them, who had nothing in the world to worry except to play tennis. I played International tennis from 1992 till 2002. There was no system then. I made a comeback in 2010 when I played in CWG and Asian Games. Still, nothing! From 1992 till date, there is no comprehensive system in place for top juniors and women in the country. Maybe they just don’t know what to do……
Humour me for a moment. If you were appointed as a head of an organization and you had no clue about the field itself, what would you do? I don’t know about you, but I would surround myself with the best in that field. I would learn about it, educate myself and do the right thing, so as to not mess it up!!! Or, I would at least appoint one person who knows his stuff and give him all the support and backing. That’s what someone who genuinely wants to improve the sport will do. But if holding on to that position is more important than improving the sport, then it’s just a sad case of history repeating itself in India.
Last time I was in India for my book launch, one of the people in the audience asked me “ What is the difference between USTA and AITA? It can’t be that different”. I was taken aback because I thought people knew. I thought they knew that USTA has multiple systems in place for their juniors. If you were in the top 5 in USA, you never needed to spend a dime for your coaching or travel. You will have access to the best facilities, be it courts, physical fitness equipment, mental coaching, physios, on court coaching- anything you can think of. There are grass roots programs, state level programs and national level programs. Each step is well laid out. It’s still not perfect and even with all these in place, USA still struggles to produce top players in recent times due to colleges taking their best crop.
The Sports Ministry has asked the President of AITA to step down since he has exceeded his tenure. Even in utmost unlikelihood that this even happens, it’s like choosing the devil and the deep blue sea. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Aditya Khanna,(already an office bearer in DLTA) the heir apparent, takes over. I honestly don’t know which is better!
The seat of the All India Tennis Association has obviously become a family tradition- almost reminds me of a dialogue from a bundle of a movie “ Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum” Ye tho Parampara hai Beta- Parampara” the dad tells the son! But let me tell you, R. K. KHanna, the patriarch of this dynasty, did do one good thing when he was in position. He encouraged the State Ranking tournaments all over India , because of which many made a living by playing this sport . Those tournaments were a big boost for juniors like me at that time. It made the transition from juniors to women’s tennis smooth. Sadly, those too, were terminated!!
I had a dream…..I actually still do. I suggested these to the AITA four years ago. I dream of a tennis association that has people with a genuine passion for the game, not guys who are hired just because they come as cheap labor. I dream of a tennis association that educates its staff to be the best in the field, be it on the administrative side or coaching side. I dream of our juniors, traveling as a team with a coach. I dream of our pro players giving back to our sport by showing the juniors the ropes. I do realize that this might remain a dream………unless something drastic happens! The Sports Ministry needs to ask for a system overhaul instead!

The case of the curious blazer

Just saw pictures from the opening ceremony of Asian Games in Incheon,Korea. Our lovely female Indian athletes waving flags and walking in the march past brought me back great memories. But what the heck, what might have been a beautiful saree was completely covered by THE BLAZER !!

Should I keep it for all the memories or should I give it away to someone more needy of a blazer, i thought? You know, the one that every athlete who has played for India owns?
The blazer is always the distinct dark blue in color and a patch on the pocket determines which event that was given to us, like Guangzhou Asian Games 2010 or Olympics 2000 Sydney and so on and so forth.
Let me be a bit blunt and frank, its the most useless piece of clothing I have ever owned. Firstly, its never stitched right, they make you look like Hulk. Secondly, we are supposed to wear them on top of the saree during the Opening or Closing Ceremony. It makes many of even my glamorous friends look atrociously shabby. The beauty of the saree is forever lost with this silly blazer on top. I dont know about the rest of my fellow women, but, I, for one, have never worn even one blazer after an event. I own nearly 10-15 having played for India since I was fourteen.
Yeah, I admit, I kept them for a few years as memories. But then, memories are in the mind and heart. Surely not in the clothes :) But I decided then I would give them to somebody less fortunate, they can at least wear it during colder weather.
I hope the IOA and the Sports Ministry will think of saving all this unwanted effort and money and put that into helping athletes who need some other equipment instead....

History should not repeat itself

I sat across from her in this quaint little coffee shop in Pune. She had asked me the previous day about meeting up with me- just to talk. She and her friend accompanied me in the short walk from Pune PYC Gymkhana to this coffee shop for breakfast.
We ordered some food and started chitchatting. She was a mixture of personalities. I sensed a bit of shyness, yet some resilience. There seemed to many questions, yet quiet determination.

Her first few questions were about tournament planning and what she can do to get to the next level. The first step towards getting better, in my view, is the shedding of ego- asking other people, seeking help. I was happy to see this in her. When I asked her who she travels with- she said "I travel alone". Those words sent me gasping and I looked at her incredulously. Nearly 15-20 years ago, I did it- I lived alone and traveled alone on the pro tennis tour and it seemed the only way.. But this is so many years later. And things haven't changed one bit for the current India's no.1??? I was utterly saddened as I listened to Ankita Raina, India no.1 female tennis player in that coffee shop. This was like history repeating itself. As shocking as it might be,this girl might have been me,20 years ago. In these things, history should not repeat itself. While she does get help from one sports authority in Gujrat, it isn't enough.

Despite the Sania Mirza phenomenon, the All India Tennis Association still continues to shy away from helping India's no.1 female player. This is the time she needs the financial support. She needs to travel with a coach who will also take care of all her travel requirements, visas, practice and all she needs to do is play tennis.

At a Rotary Club meeting in Pune, someone asked me "What is different between US or any other foreign country and India in terms of support from the tennis federation?" It caught me by surprise. Then it dawned on me that not everyone knows how it is outside of India. I explained to him that in US, if you are a top junior in your state( not even the best in the country), you have the luxury of free training with the USTA's top coaches, free tournament travel and safety. I remember traveling as a junior to International tournaments with my dad and looking at awe and much envy at the US junior team that came with 3 coaches with all their expenses taken care of. All they had to do was play! It truly pains me that in 25 years there is no system in place to even help the top woman player of the country. If the AITA does not have the funds, how difficult can it be for them to at least arrange for a sponsor for the top 3-4 female players through a private sponsor? Do they really care, is the question that comes to my mind....

To get to the next level, Ankita will need to base herself abroad and that will not be easy. She will need to shed all the familiarity of family, friends and go on the tough grind of pro tennis. But this would be a tough ask if she doesnt have the support.I told Ankita Raina " What you have to learn from Sania Mirza- was her belief in herself. She believed she belonged in the top 50 even before she got there". Ankita quiet resolve,belief in her work ethic and hard work will take her places, but she needs help and she needs it now!

If Tomorrow Comes

I dont come from an ordinary family. No, we are not aliens,but what I mean is that from a very young age, I have heard of karma, reincarnation and seances and spirits. Yes, my grandfather was a medium and a pretty good one. His main goal was to learn about life after death. He and a few of his friends received many messages from departed souls, some of who were relatives. The messages gave a collective data about what happens to us after death. Is there a life after? When are we reborn? Are we born as goats in the next life if we have been bad? There were many answers, many of which were highly complicated and had to be deciphered.

For one, those messages had to be read and reread for many times to really grasp its true meaning. The language was tall order. These were not some random musings by some lost soul. These were clear, precise, philosophical messages about karma, our purpose on earth and much more that I still dont really comprehend. I was exposed to such things as a very young girl. I was by my grandfather's bed when he took his last breath. I understood that death happens.

It is inevitable. Many around me, even now, shun the word 'death'. It is as if I had uttered the worst 4 letter word to date. I was perplexed. If death was inevitable, why was it shoved behind the curtain? To hide doesnt mean, it is'nt going to get you. Death will get you, me and everyone else. It is the scariest thing in this world, no doubt. But by shoving it underneath and not having the guts to talk or prepare for it, doesnt that make it worse?

Recently, I lost my cousin. He was a true gem and I miss him dearly. Despite all my philosophical views about death, his death truly shook me. Everyday I still think about him. But being shaken up, it gave me pure insight into one thing. THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ME TOO! And there is no guarantee that I will be alive tomorrow or even the next hour.
But what I can do is this - I need to do the things I want to do, not what others expect me to. Whether I finish them or not before my death, is immaterial.
But the most important thing that dawned on me is that I/we NEED say the things that need to be said. We need to tell the people in our lives how much they mean to us and never shy from saying simple words like "I love you", or "Sorry" or "Thank you" because in stark reality,we really dont know if tomorrow comes! Do the things you need to do TODAY, say the things that need to be said TODAY, because in reality- we never know if tomorrow comes!

A scene from the superstar movie

Its dark and you are seated in a cool movie theater with a/c and a very good sound system. The story line is very good, the punch dialogues are driven all the way home and the script immaculate. The theme is based on Sport. Indian Sport. There are sprinters, cricketers, tennis players, hockey players, wrestlers, shooters, super women like P.T.Usha, Ashwini Nachappa, Saina Nehwal, Sania Mirza and many many more. The hard work, the sweat, the toil, the training of all the splendor of Indian Sport is beautifully portrayed. Then come the villains- no movie is complete without the goondas, right?. The Bhanot,Chautala style hooligans with a red scarf around the neck and a big mole on their cheeks. The villains want to remain at their posts in the Sports Governing body despite facing criminal charges. India has been relegated from International Competition till these guys step down. Some of these villains have started to resemble Amjad Khan in Sholay " Kitne Aadmi the Re"? Even Tom Alter shows up as the International Governing Body Representative in his fake British accent asking these villains to step down and give way to being a recognized body again. But villains are so obstinate that despite being unwanted by everyone around them, dont really get it. This is getting very frustrating for me. I shift in my seat uneasily. I hate being helpless- what can be done to resolve this? How do we get the hooligans out? And clean up Indian sport? There are some very strong and brave Anna Hazare types who protest and observe a dharna(fast). I salute them and I am moved watching their unselfish service to the country. I mean, they take time off their schedule for the sheer betterment of sports in India.But sadly, they are still unable to dethrone the kings of corruption. But then there is gale like wind blowing . There seems to be thunder and lightning. At that instant arrives my hero- the Superstar. He is the man, the myth, the legend himself. Just by whispering his name, all goondas tremble. Don..Don.. Baasha, Baasha... You see his feet walk and the sound of footsteps reverberate all around. He opens two big oak doors and walk into a room where these ruffians are.. He talks very animatedly to these guys. We are unable to hear the conversation, because there is suspense and intriguing music in the background. The villains are genuinely scared and are sweating profusely. They nod their heads and Superstar opens the door.The two villains are still trembling, but look relieved . Villains come barging in to Tom Alter and all the athletes and apologize profusely. They dont want to be anywhere near sporting administration ever again. What did Superstar actually tell them? For them to be scared out of their wits? What was it? Superstar simply smiles and says "I told them who I was"! What a beautiful dream that was!!!!

A small and inadequate tribute to one awesome human being

Like summer tempest came our tears, Dilip-May you rest in peace. At 2;30 pm on 4th Oct, I got a call. It was past midnight in India. My mother cried hysterically into the phone saying, my cousin Dilip was killed in a car accident. He was just 45. The grief and sorrow comes from so deep, that it sucks the entire body of will and strength. But I dont want to keep crying over his last few moments, I want to celebrate his existence. He was a chartered accountant , but taught classes as a profession. But what made Dilip extraordinary was his ability to find solutions. He was the go to man for anyone with any kind of problem. From mundane issues to earth shattering ones, he had the innate ability to think straight and resolve issues. His diplomacy was unparalleled. But he was the guy you never heard of, the person who worked behind the scenes to make it happen. He just helped people without expecting anything return. This, I know, he inherited from his dad. These are the people who will be by your side, bad or good and stick with you till you are good to go. His above par intelligence is usually sidelined, but his clear thought process and the ease and smile with which he faced life head on can be a lesson for all of us. His larger than life existence came to end because of a mere car drive. Only after his death, I realized one thing-Dilip had a unique relationship with each person he came in contact with. He knew what level of thinking each person could handle,he could stoop to the level of a young child or raise the bar to the highest level with a top bureaucrat. He is the guy everyone called as their "best friend". Whether it was my wedding or my book launch, he was there, strong as a rock, by my side. As I try to grieve and try to find logic in this senseless premature death,Dilip's ever-smiling face and his jokes will remain etched in my memory. I pray that God give his wife and mother much strength to get over this loss.Good bye Dilip- You were one of a kind!